Reflections

I had started this blog with a dear friend, and we both got so very busy. Well, I have a blog about my job, a blog about my struggle to overcome infertility and one of just pictures of my son, for family. Lately I feel a deepening relationship with God. Specifically the Holy Spirit working through me and through that, things going on at church and personal Bible studies, I am walking closer with Jesus, my savior, than I ever have before. My life is fulfilling to a degree, I never imagined. I can no longer keep ignoring this blog; I have too much to share! Unfortunatley at the moment I am at work, so it will have to wait a little longer! Talk to you very soon.

The Purpose Driven Life

We are celebrating the Purpose Driven Life. Every day our pastor Tim sends us a daily devotional and I will be adding them here tomorrow. We go to small group studies on Tuesdays and me and some other people in our newly formed "Drama Ministry" perform each week. So please visit daily; it is very enriching. We are on day 10 tomorrow so you will get 10 all at once and then we'll be caught up. Sorry for the lack of posts, new job, one year old and diving head long into being active in the church---well, I am a little short on time. Loving you in Jesus name!

The Best Compliment Ever!!!!!

I was just talking with a co-worker about how God would lead my husband and I in an upcoming life decision and he said, "Are you one of those "Big Christians"" And I was so excited to say, "Yes, I am." It was awesome! Ok, I just had to share that.

"How Can I Pray For You?"

I joined a small group bible study, and I just realized this is my very first one. I am not a new Christian, per se, as I have known for most of my life, the Truth that Jesus is God. However in terms of realizing there is more to my relationship with God than just one hour every Sunday and prayers at night and in times of need, I am very new. I have a lot of respect for the Catholic faith and I always will, but I have come to feel that it just isn't enough for me. There is comfort and beauty in the rituals and repetitiveness of Mass, but there is also complacency. I think it is too easy to "drift off" due to how much the same stories are covered over and over. Maybe it was just me or my church, but now that I am in a church that delves so much deeper into the Bible and into community and member outreach, I hunger for more.
I digress, back to my first Bible study. I really love it. We are studying a workbook, called "Experiencing God; Knowing and Doing the Will of God" by Henry T. Blackaby and Claude V. King. It is funny because, I told my MIL (mother in law) that I was a little bit disappointed that the only Bible study that fit into my schedule wasn't the one that was more about Jesus. "Mom," I said, "God is easy, you'd have to be an idiot not to believe in God, but Jesus is more challenging." Then I went off my meds and for weeks I couldn't feel God, and I realized how naive the above statement was. Yes I believe in God, that is easy, but do I know Him? Do I have a "love relationship" with Him? Not really, (or should I say it was one sided?) but I sure am trying to now! Another thing that is new to me is witnessing. How do I do it? Pastor Tim said you live your life as a testimony so that when others view it, they know of your faith and by what and how you say that you are Christian and that is also witnessing. But I want to do more. Yesterday, I was doing my Bible study. I am sooooo far behind, I decided to just do the current lesson. I took my materials outside and just sat out there reading. It was so beautiful with a gentle breeze blowing, not too hot, it was a perfect setting for studying the Word. I was thankful for the rare quiet moments. One of the units had a bunch of ideas for how to engage someone seeking guidance and one of the options just struck me. "How can I pray for you?" It is easy to say, "I will keep you in my prayers." I have said that a hundred times, and really, that puts an end to any discussion in a way. What else can the other person say but, thanks and boom!, they are "off the hook," but "How can I pray for you?" Is fantastic because it calls for the other person to get involved in the conversation. I thought maybe you could use this phrase with your co-worker Malia. I am excited to try this, I just learned about it yesterday, and so far have not used it, but I will keep you updated.
Our church is going to be doing the "40 days of Purpose" program in October and I am so excited to go out and DO something in the community. I am going to continue to share what happens in my Bible study and some of the ideas and scriptures that effect me. Also I wanted to share that we dedicated Liam to the Lord this Sunday and it was really neat. I am excited to see what God has planned for Liam and I am confident in God's promise that he will help me raise Liam to be a good Christian man. Well, that is all for now. If I was rambling at all, it is because as I finish this, it is past midnight! Good night my friend, I love you.

CHP Officer Killed in the Line of Duty

A friend of Chris' was killed in the line of duty. Please pray for the Clearman family. I really identify with the wife because she is a Marine wife, cop wife and a police dispatcher just like me. I just feel so awful for this family. We will be attending the funeral Thursday. There is not much else to say...Til later.

I know You are with me

I am having kind of a rough time lately. I took myself off my Zoloft, (after eleven years), and I did Ok, for a little while and then I totally crashed. Good thing is I am back on them, bad thing is it takes 4-5 weeks for them to get back into the system, and I have almost 3 weeks to go.
Eleven years ago, right before I was diagnosed with depression cause by a lack of serratonin (sp?), my thoughts were repetitive and every bad thought I had, I felt the need to "confess" to Chris. I felt like I didn't love him any more, and I told him so. This was before we were married, and he stuck by me. He knew, I was not myself, and lucky for me, he was willing to stick around until I "came back." I now realize that back then the depression manifested in attacking what, at that time, was the worst thing I felt could happen to me; losing Chris. This time, I am more mature, I am able to rationalize, that this is temporary, I don't have anything wrong with me other than a chemical imbalance, and I just need to hang in there. However, this time the attack is manifesting in what is so important to me, especially now; my faith. I feel, at times, very far from God, and I KNOW it is me, and I know it is temporary, but I hate the way this feels. I know he is surrounding me with his love and patiently awaiting me to be back to my old self, but sometimes I feel so desolate. I started going back to my small group bible study, and I look forward to going to church on Sundays.I think that going to both of those is more important now than ever, because though I am weakened, I do have faith. I have faith that this will pass, I have faith God is with me and I know that part of being a good Christian is hanging in there, and believing, even when times are hard. I look into my son's eyes and I see that he is a gift from God, and things continue to happen in my life that demonstrates, so clearly, He is here and He is taking care of me. I just can't wait to feel right again. The devil may think he can pick at me, while I am down and not as strong, but he is wrong. I belong to God, and this is one fight that I will not lose.

Please Pray for Bailey

I am a total dog nut. I have four dogs. I don't want to go into a lot of details. To tell you the truth, I am emotionaly exhausted from the past few days, but the bottom line is, all my dogs got taken away by animal control for killing a chihuahua and in the process they lost sweet Bailey. We are waiting to get the three that are in "jail" back, hopefully on Monday, but we have spend hours and hours the past 4 days searching for Bailey. I am a wreck, and I pray we find Bailey safe and OK, and that we can get the other three out of "hock" on Monday. Thanks.